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The Reproduction of Evil. Darth Vader Battles
William Shatner for Custody of E.T.'s Baby
: Jason Eastwood :
 Though it seems like the Star Wars franchise first
started breeding fanatical nerds, (and kids who grew up to be nerds) a
long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, it was actually only 28
years ago. The final chapter in the series of films, Episode III:
Revenge of the Sith, opens in theatres on May 19. It will be the last
of the Star Wars movies unless George Lucas runs out of cash or Yoda
visits him in a dream. Hopefully Lucas makes up for the less than super
stellar product hes put out with the last couple of Star Wars movies.
Although the acting may be lame and dialogue is at times atrocious, the
over-30s that first witnessed the odyssey of Star Wars in movie
theatres back in 1977 have to remember that these flicks are for kids.
The Secret Lucas Tapes
With the help of some undercover operatives sifting through
garbage in the Hollywood,
California area, The Force gazette has
obtained a number of discarded tapes from Mega Movie Maker Stephen
Spielbergs answering machine. One of the most interesting, as
well as frightening discoveries The Force made while analyzing the
tapes was the frequency of calls from Star Wars Producer / Director /
Ewok Comber George Lucas. Spielberg and Lucas have been close friends
since they partnered up to produce the Indiana Jones series of movies,
we just didnt know they were this close. We have transcribed some of
the messages to give you a small taste of what big time film producers
talk about on the phone. Although Spielberg gave us permission to
publicly air the tapes, we didnt get a chance to ask him if he ever
responds to Lucas inane requests. Here are some excerpts:
Beeep.
Hi Steve, its George. I was
thinking about shaving the beard. I dont know..its a little
itchy now and then. Daughter likes it though. AnywayCall me!
Beeeep.
Stevie.George. I was talking to Ron Howard.he said I need the beard to cover my tiny chin. He was joking right? Call me!
Beeeeep.
Hey Steve, just George again. Keeping the beard! Call me!
Beeeeeeep.
Steve?.......Steve?.....I guess
youre still not back from dinner at Tom Hanks house. I hope you asked
him if hed play Darth Vaders cross-dressing brother Terry in episode
three. Im counting on you buddy! Call me!
(From a tape marked July 1982, right around the filming of Return of the Jedi)
Beeeeeeeep.
Hi Steve. Lucas here. I
was thinking about changing the Wookies into Ewoks, I think it will be
cute. What do you think? Call me!
Beeeeeep.
Steve! Steve! The Force does exist! I
swear on Ben Kenobis life I just moved a coffee cup a quarter of an
inch with my mind! Call me!
Beeeeeep.
Call me back a*#hole! 
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